Wow! It has been a while since I posted my last writing, in which I said that I would update things that have been missed out. It was TWO YEARS AGO! yes! TWO YEARS!
But, yeah, AGAIN! Due to many reasons - that I do not dare to use as excuses NOT to write anything -, I could not keep my own words. In two years, I did not (could not) write anything in this blog. I do feel guilty to myself and you (YES YOU!) of course.
Everything happens for a reason
You may be familiar to that quote (or may not? Are you living under the rock?). I am one of the believers who believes that everything does happen for a reason/reasons. That also applies in my case, such as "why is it so important for me to write?" and "why do I fail to keep my words?".
For quite some time, I have been asking myself questions :
"What does 'writing' mean to you?"
"Do you like writing?"
"Why do you need to write?"
"Is it important to write?"
"What do you want to achieve from writing?"
and so on.
(I know it is quite random, but please bear with me! or not) :)
Throwing back to years ago (maybe more than a decade ago), when I started to write my first personal journal - a diary - I did not have particular reasons to do it but doing a thing that my teacher told me to do. Yes! My first journal writing is a school homework. I barely remembered precisely how it went, but if my memory did not mislead me, my teacher asked all students to record their activities during a long school holiday. Maybe my teacher knew that students tend to be lazy to study during the holiday; thus, she asked us to write our experience instead.
My friend and I went to a stationery nearby and chose a 'pretty' diary book for the homework after school. There was no obligation AT ALL to have a 'pretty' diary book. We could write about our experiences in any kind of books. For me personally, however, having a 'pretty' book would motivate me to religiously write something in it.
On the first day of writing, I was struggling to write. I thought a lot about what I should write and how do I write. I could just write casually anything I experienced on that day though, but the perfectionist in me did not seem to allow. What I thought on that day was how should I attractively pen my day to get a satisfying grade. Yes! It was an unbelievable part of me. All I could think is only a good mark!!! Because of that 'wrong' reason, I did not enjoy what I was doing. I did not like writing to the point that I barely opened my 'pretty' book. Yes! I did not do my homework regularly, which means there were some days that were not recorded. This feeling lasted for nearly two weeks until one day I started to loosen up my perfectionist side. This time I decided to write without much of thinking - as long as I penned everything daily, regularly, hence I did not miss anything.
Well, it worked. I made good progress ever since then. I could write 'more' freely and most importantly, I penned everything without feeling pressured at all. I started to enjoy it. However, it was still not strong enough to make writing as a habit of mine. I had not felt an urge to keep writing (YET).
The holiday had come to an end. I came back to school and submitted my homework. A couple days later, I received excellent feedback on my writing and got a satisfying result. Strangely enough, after I received my feedback and my 'pretty' book, I somehow wanted to continue filling up the pages with my life stories. I found that it was so fun to read what I had written so far. It could bring me back to the day I had experienced. I tend to forget things easily, so having something that can remind me of something that I have forgotten makes me feel great. In short, I started to write again - indeed with a new mindset - to record things that might be forgotten yet I do not want to forget.
I purchased my fourth 'pretty' book. This time, the book had a lock and key, which means I started to pen things that I did not want to show to anyone. During this time, I realized that writing was not merely about keeping stuff in the record just in case I might forget. Instead, I slowly used it as a method to ease the 'tension' I felt (alleviate my stress) - kind of therapeutic for someone like me who has difficulty to show my 'true' honest feeling. It was especially helpful for me to go through my puberty phase. I began to write what I felt in an 'honest' manner.
Nevertheless, there was a point in my life when I felt exhausted and did not have the energy to write anymore. It was around the time I became a college student. I could not remember what made me stop writing my journal, but I think apart of being busier with a bunch of activities, it was also because I felt more 'stable' emotionally. Thus, I did not feel like I need to write. Anyway, I stopped writing for quite a while.
There was a sticker in my room that I got from a magazine I subscribed when I was young - a tween. It says :
"Ikatlah ilmu dengan menuliskannya" which means "Tie up the knowledge by writing it down".
Today, that saying made me re-think about my reason to write. I was thinking that it was such a loss for me to stop writing just because I felt that I did not need to. In fact, the essence (importance) of writing is more than THAT. By writing, you can safely keep your knowledge - what you wrote would remain even though you might forget about it later. And you can regain the 'lost' knowledge by reading your writing. At the same time, you can also provide knowledge for people who read your writing. Additionally, you can gain more knowledge for yourself during the writing process. So, writing is not only for personal satisfaction. Yes, it is also important. But, there are more reasons for you to keep writing although you do not feel like you need to (or want to).
Even there is a statement saying that you can change the world with your writing. Imagine how powerful words are!
Now that I am looking back to the first time I started to write until today, I do not seem to fully understand the importance of writing in a larger scale. Therefore, all I think when I write is somehow still self-oriented. I do it because I need it or I want it. I rarely think that I do this because this may bring benefits to other people. In this case, for the readers - YOU. And I think it is the main reason why I could not keep my words to write something in this 'space' regularly. It is true that initially, I made this blog just for fun, but it would be even better if my writing can bring positive impacts to people who read it, wouldn't it? (Though I do not know if there is actually a reader in this blog. But, who knows? Anyone is welcomed here by the way) ;)
Yes, I do like writing, though sometimes I believe that I am not good with words. On a personal level, I think writing is a method to fully express myself. As I mentioned before, I am a little bit reserved. I am not good at either expressing my 'real' emotion or revealing my 'true' feeling. But, I can open up through my writing. Of course, that kind of writing is not for the public. Lol. However, today I try to understand that writing is more than a mere personal satisfaction. It could be even more meaningful if the writing can contribute to exert positive impacts on the readers or even the world.
Cheers!
Some time on a rainy day!
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